District Writing Assessment (Spring)

Camera

Author's Note:

I was letting some of my emotion and problems into this writing piece. This is a stream of consciousness, so that's why there is more describing then the organization trait. I wanted people to understand where I'm coming from.

Experience the memory. 
Take a shot of the memory, 
share to all you know,  
and love. 

It's all you have to remember 
the past,
of which you've experienced.  
Taking all the pictures in, 
looking for the right ones 
to show off to the ones you've  known 
for so many years. 

You've shared a laugh, 
a smile, 
a thought, 
a hand  
letting them know that's it's all right 
what you've done. 

I forgive you 
and now it's  the time to take a big step 
into your future 
where there is so many possibilities  
and dreams. 

 

Pain

Author's Note:

In this piece I wanted to portray my emotions vividly, and have it come across to the readers strong. Also,  I wanted to make sure I used a variety of different words to start a sentence. Lastly, while writing this  piece I got a little emotional because it's a real world concept for me.

Why don't they take a second to get what I'm saying, although my birth certificate is closer to date,  doesn't mean you can treat me like I'm another person off the street. It doesn't mean that I should get  the hand me down clothes. I know I can be your last favorite person in the world sometimes, but you  shouldn't treat me like you do. While in the book I'm reading his may have been more physical pain,  mine was emotional pain.

In the story I'm reading 90 Minutes in Heaven the main character Don, has been through a lot, especially  when his whole life has flipped around when he gets into a car crash and goes to heaven for 90 minutes.  The car crash has made dramatic cuts, leaving him with one leg. Currently, he can barely breathe and  wants to give up, and go to Heaven because he knows how wonderful it is because he got a glimpse of it  for only a moment of time. He saw how spiritual it was, and how all the worries simply slipped away.  Don noticed how his family didn't worry about what happened, all they cared about was that he was  with them once again. Sometimes I wish my family would reach out and want to spend more time with  me. As much as his family would drive 250 miles just to see Don in the hospital while they were terribly  busy. No words, just eye contact, while slowly tears dripped down upon their faces.

One thing that my sister and brother don't get is that I'm younger, and they don't remember when they  were my age. I think, act, and speak a lot different then them, but instead of them understanding me  and showing compassion are two words I constantly hear, and will never end is "NO!" or "GET OUT OF  MY ROOM!." I'm sorry if all I wanted to do is talk to you for just a few short minutes, or possibly just  borrow some of your clothes, but all that happens is me getting kicked out. Well two can play at this  game, but all that happens is just one huge, blank stare across their faces. What they need to get is that  I'm still acting silly, and I like to have fun with a smile on my face. At least I don't just read, play video  games, and do nothing entertaining ever. Let me have a couple more months of my middle school years  acting goofy and stupid, because it's not as hard as being in high school.

I'm going through a battle just like the character in my book, but he felt pain on the outside while I feel  pain in the inside. Although it's hard being the youngest in my family there always seems to be  advantages once and awhile. I just have to hang on during the tough times, and make the spontaneous  times during a day last as long as I can.

 

Key

Author's Note:

In this stream of consciousness  I was working hard to make sure I stuck with either present or past tense. Lately, that is what I'm struggling with. Also, I wanted to work on describing objects while the story is being told.

In the beginning this piece was a stream of consciousness. Then, I learned I had so many more ideas I could write a book about, so that's why they have chapters in this writing piece.

Part 1: The Mysterious Key

There are many things that unlock secrets but the most valuable is a key. A key unlocks secrets and gives us the next piece of the puzzle. The key is only part of what you need to be successful. If you have a key you need a lock, just like how you can be successful but, to be truly happy you need someone to share it with.

Today I got home. The home of which I found a key. Old, brown, with a rusty tint to it sits the key on the old oak table. I look at it puzzled to what it's for? Why it's here? I look at it wondering if there's a piece I'm missing. It seems as if there is an adventure to come out of this one little object. And I'm going to figure it out.

Part 2: Telling Family

After I finished thinking of what to do with the key, I thought of the most logic way to solve this problem which was to first tell my close friends and my family what I have discovered.

I saw flashing lights and I knew it was the school bus containing my 3 children. They came rushing through the door screaming and laughing. Once they saw me there faces lit up as they screamed my name. Moments later my companion also came through the door but with a different expression on her face. Her face was more droopy, irritated and exhausted. I asked her what was wrong and she gave me a blank expression and walked up stairs. I followed her and told her about my day and the story about the key. She had a confused look on her face. I asked if she has ever seen it before or new anything about it, but she had no clue.

I walked out of the room with still no results or clues of where to go next with this key. I walked into my kids rooms and asked them individually about the key and they all had nothing to say. My wife came into the room and asked why this meant so much to me, but I had no answer to the question because I didn't have an explanation, all I knew was I felt as if this was my responsibility. I knew of a man that knew almost everything known to man his name was Mr. Sniebly.

Part 3: Investigating and Receiving Help

He was old, at least in his 80's, but he was wise, but was he wise enough to get me some answers?

I walked in his small little store which has been around for decades. We've known each other for quite some time now. So, he welcomed me with great emotion in his voice which gave me hope. I handed him the key. He looked at it and said for one thing that it was very, very old. Mr. Sniebly brought it over to his magnifier and got a closer look. He also said "don't sweat it. I'll look over it tonight, and you can come back tomorrow and I'll tell you what I find."

The next morning I was eager to run back to the store to see what Mr. Sniebly has or hasn't found. I knew I had to wait a little while before rushing over there, because he's probably not awake yet, so in the meantime I had some coffee and I also watched a football game that I missed last night due to being over at the store.

It's 11:00 that's probably plenty enough time for him to get up, get cleaned and fed. I went outside and got into my big red truck which I've had since 1964, so about thirteen years, and counting. I revved up the car and I was off like there was no tomorrow. As, I was driving along something felt different about the town. It was as if there was no life to it. I was correct. All the trees and flowers were all dead and crunchy like chips. There were also no other citizens in sight. No people. No cars. No nothing.

Part 4: Breaking an Entry

Once, I got to the store it still had the closed sign on the front door, so I went to the back of the building and Mr. Sniebly wasn't in sight. I couldn't wait around until he got home I needed answers and I needed them now, so I started raising my foot into the air, and smashed the window in front of it. I stuck my hand in and unlocked the door and proceeded to my business. Since Mr. Sniebly wasn't there I knew I would have to sneak around and find what he worked on last night.

Every step I took made a loud creaky noise that could alarm anyone in range. I saw his desk and opened a few drawers and I couldn't find anything. I searched and looked around. I wasn't leaving until I got what I came for.

I came up with no luck, so I thought there must be no point on still looking and trashing up his house. As, I was leaving I noticed that his house was right behind the shop. It was small, almost like a trailer, so instead of leaving I went inside his house as well.

The door was locked, so I took a crow bar and prided it opened with all my might. The door swung open and I creep into the small house. I continued searching, and just when I started thinking that I should give up, I saw a piece of paper with a trunk underneath it. I read the slip and it had everything that Mr. Sniebly found out about the key! I took a big breathe of relief. The key was one of my ancestor's, and the key unlocked the trunk underneath it with money and checks to my family. My face got confused and puzzled. Thinking of what treasures he could be talking about. My life hasn't ever been wealthy of any sort, but maybe this was the beginning of having wads of money instead of loose change for once.

                                                    TO BE CONTINUED...